I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
