I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
