Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do vagina's smell?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
