There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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