tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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