so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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