Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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