He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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