so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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