Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
