i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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