i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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