I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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