Porn is love you can see.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
