all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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