Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
