I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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