She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
