She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
