Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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