he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
