trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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