You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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