Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
