as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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