I love black thongs
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
