I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
