if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
