Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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