one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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