You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
