garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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