Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
