We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
