WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
