I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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