It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
