So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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