i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
