I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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