How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
