I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
