found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
