why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
