Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
