i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
