Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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