I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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