I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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