The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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