I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
