I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
