i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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