Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
