Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
