He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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