Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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