I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
