When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
