We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize