i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is there bacon in the couch?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
