i may or may not be watching the land before time
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
