But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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