Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
pray to the hookup gods
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
