what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
