Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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