I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
