Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
