If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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