Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
