Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize