The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
