Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
