My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just google imaged poop.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
