Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There are leaves in my underwear?
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