I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
