The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
