wat bout pragnant strippers??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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