i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
