you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
