totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
