I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
