i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
