Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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