i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
