so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize