if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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