dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
babies were throwing up all over the place
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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