Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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