Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
