I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
